My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations — John Green

I’m sure we’re all aware of all the crazy that’s been cropping up recently.
Electric fences and death sentences for homosexuals.
Amateur snake-wranglers not learning from their father’s mistakes.

As I’ve grown more comfortable in myself and found more labels I actually like and want to use, I keep wondering where the line is drawn? I’ve never slept with someone of the same gender, but I’ve thought about it. What are the criteria for this? I want to go up to the bigots and ask. Ask where I fall on their scales of acceptability. If nothing more, maybe a completely (well, mostly) normal looking person showing up and trying to figure it out would tip them off that there is so much more of this than they can see. Nothing is even remotely close to binary here. These are the toughest questions and we read do not need to only get yes or no as answers.

I don’t even think of myself as a gender currently.
I’ve never before had the experience of filling out paperwork and not seeing the right box for me. Fun fact: I like paperwork. Going to a new doctor, looking at apartments, I really like doing paperwork. It’s straight-forward. I know the answers.

And now, I know most of the answers, but the right boxes aren’t there.
This is Extremely new for me. I’ve been very lucky in my life. I’m a white, upper-middle class female. I went to public school, sure, but I went to a private university before choosing state school. My parents are very, very accepting. The only reason I was ever not open to them was simply unwillingness on my part.
One of the reasons I probably liked paperwork so much as a kid was that it was the only place I clearly fit into categories. I wasn’t popular or unpopular in school. I wasn’t pretty or ugly. I was smart, but I was shy about it. I wasn’t really known for anything till high school. I was always in between. I was never clear on my place. Boxes make people comfortable. Boxes are easy.
I am no longer easy. But I’m beginning to like it.

I always wish I felt I had something to add to the conversation. Some new, radical idea or insight that would stir things up. I haven’t got that today.
I did, however, recreate our study’s questionnaire to be trans* inclusive. (it’s not live yet, so if you take it now, you won’t get the spiffy new version)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: