My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations — John Green

Posts tagged ‘guilt’

Guilt on an Anniversary

I am still not sure if I want to talk about this. Not sure if I have anything of value to say. But the point of this whole mess is to write about what’s on my mind, what I’m stuck on.

Today I’m stuck on a year ago.
I could go through the usual thing, where I tell you the story of where I was and how terrified I was, but that’s not how this story goes. This is a terrible and also happy story for me.

In short, one year ago today, a tornado tore a path of destruction through my home town.

There are some reasons I am conflicted about sharing my part in this. Many people are condemning the freshmen who are currently wearing “We Remember” shirts. I was not here on that day. I’d just moved home from Tulane. I was in no state to be in school. I went to New Orleans for a concert at the end of the semester, mostly to celebrate surviving it. I saw four bands I love, ate some amazing food, and hung out on a blanket in Woldenborg Park for like 6 hours straight. I felt all right. For about 5 minutes.

I wasn’t here. This is my home, it was torn apart and I wasn’t here. I couldn’t have known, but I didn’t check my phone for hours that day. I could’ve…something. I could’ve done something.
And I feel completely, crushingly, terribly guilty about it.